Don't worry about going to hell when you die, we're already here.
I think I may be in again, one of the lowest points in my life again, not unlike October of 2024 when my dog had given birth. If you've skimmed through that, you would know that it was very very very not good for me. Where I currently am in life. No, just no.
My senior research paper final draft is due on the 24th, my dogs' spays are on the 23rd, I do not have enough money raised and saved for it to pay in total, I do not approve for ScratchPay or Care Credit, I must speak to whoever is in charge of billing and payment at my vet who clocks out at 1 p.m., this week my school is doing senior workshops where seniors head to the library all day to work on such forms and documents such as resumes, cover letters, and more, I lied about completing my senior portfolio which is a big ol binder of papers and forms that we start to fill out our freshmen year but I didn't because my careeer pathways advisor during my freshman year didn't hand us the papers half the time or knew what to even do with them. I'm so tired that "completing," didn't even look like an actual word and I had to Google it to make sure it was.
I am so stress out of my noggin that I haven't showered in like over a week, I haven't done my T injection because I haven't showered, I haven't been consistent with my medications so that's been taking a toll on my body and mind, and I'm just so fed up and stressed that my intrusive thoughts are making me more and more tempted to admit myself into an in-patient care institute, or just drop out! I can do that, I'm 18 now! I am just sign a sheet of processed tree and leave this trash fire. I have a job, it's a matter of time until they'll finally let me start my first shift, I need to make another call for that too for hells sake. Can't anything go right in my life for once? I fail to see the issue with dropping out of here and getting my GED or graduate from an online school. I should've taken the route Neveah did! She completed online school and not once has stepped foot inside this high school. Online school sounds like a haven right now I tell you, a heaven! No stupid graduation requirements like a senior project or damned portfolio. I can't care for this anymore, I can't, I can't!
I can't with this. The future only emits the light of fire from a vicious hell, we are all doomed, generations past, present, and future are doomed, America is doomed, everything it has ever fought for and built upon is doomed, everyone in my generation is doomed, nearly everyone in my family is damned doom, they migrated to America for a better life, a better life for us. And now I want to quit, quit, quit. Was it ever worth it? Was it ever worth it? Was it ever worth it? WOrth it? Everything I've ever done, ever fought, ever loved, ever have done to me presenting typing this out in class first class instead of giving a rat's tail about the class dissussion right now? I can't, I can't. I'm sorry Vespertilio, it just ain't work for me. Never did, never intented to work for me. Never ever ever ever.